Baring my soul…..

I am constantly questioning whether I have the mental or physical fortitude to become an ultramarathoner.  This is the FIRST time I have put that down on paper.  I am about to list my fears so that I can ease my mind and have a place to check back into when I need some reality.  I am only human!

Fear #1:  I am not “tough” enough to keep going

Also known as I will let that wall crumble me.  I cannot do this alone, so I am going to rely heavily on my research, blog reading and “teammates” for support.

Fear #2:  I will be injured

I constantly ask myself if I am doing it “right.”  I fear a catastrophic injury that sidelines me.  Starting over is frightening for me.  I tried to start so many times in the past and have failed.  This start actually worked.  I don’t want to let that go.  I am also afraid my body will just plan ol’ fail me.

Fear #3:  My marriage will suffer

I have no doubt my husband loves me.  He definitely does not understand this new found sport and he definitely struggles with the support.  We have honestly argued about my dedication to running hindering our household and marriage.  It doesn’t help that this is our first year of marriage and despite knowing each other for 14 years and being together for almost 7, this is a whole new experience.  I must strike a balance with my non-running husband.

Fear #4:  I will meet a mileage plateau I won’t be able to break

That one is pretty simple.

Fear #5:  Work will prohibit me from making the best of my training.

For the past 13 years I have been a LEO working a rotating schedule.  I switch shifts every 6 weeks and work many overnights and late evenings.  I am not a morning person, however I run better in the morning.  My attempts to run after a midnight shift (10pm-6am) have failed in the past due to being light-headed and exhausted.  I will have to find a way to run before shift at night (see #3 for possible issues) or right after work.  This schedule is BRUTAL and one stand-off throws my training down the toilet for a week or more.

Fear #6:  I will burn out.

I hope to not lose the love I have gained for this sport… for the mental and physical freedom I get from a run.  From the strength I feel in my legs.  I hope I continue to love it as the miles get longer, the weather gets hotter and the races get closer.

 

So there is it.  My fears (and maybe a few more to come) out in the open!  Now it’s time to conquer them as part of “learning to run!”

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fishstick
    Jan 12, 2013 @ 02:29:55

    Secret entry..first time seeing this!

    Reply

  2. becelisa
    Jan 31, 2013 @ 13:22:58

    hi! thanks for following my blog. i am training for my first ultra and have so many similar fears. i look forward to reading about your running journey!

    Reply

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