Changes….

swains

Not so much running going on these days, but a whole lot of changes instead.  The photo above was from my 7 miler on Monday.  It was perfect and much needed!

As for changes….

It is no secret I have worked a pretty tough rotation of shifts for a long time… 13 years to be exact.  I have not lost the love for my job, but there are days the schedule is very “trying” to say the least.  For instance, the four hours of sleep I have gotten in the last 48 hrs. is not so good for the body.  This is probably the worst stretch I have had sleep-wise in a while… but worth every bit of it.  

Change is hard.  Changing professionally is something I have struggled with.  I am not talking about changing on the job.  That is easy.  Get more training, get involved with more cases, take on projects and assignments.  That is a piece of cake.  Changing from one place to another is where I have been hung up.  About three years ago, I knew I needed to try something new.  I was not yet prepared to go to another agency, so I explored other related fields with better schedules and interesting work.  I developed an appreciation for those trying to get jobs (as I kept striking out) and kept trucking along at my agency.  I have been and always will be grateful to be gainfully employed in a steady profession.  I have never taken that for granted.  My husband and I have discussed at length how fortunate it has been that I fell into this career.

And fall I did.  In 1997 I was a pre-vet student at UNH.  I had wanted to work with animals my entire life.  I used to shadow our vet, learning everything I could about horse care.  I had a lifelong dreaming of being an equine veterinarian.  Problem was, math and science was just not my strongest area.  I continued on with my schooling and took a job in 1998 with the Hampton Police Department.  This was a civilian position working with the Mounted Patrol Unit.  This was a summer dream come true!  I got to train the horses, train the officers and spent hours in the saddle on the newest mount, breaking him in to beach life.  I loved every minute of it. 

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Come spring of 1999, it was painfully obvious I was not going to have the grades to even attempt vet school and on a whim changed my major to Sociology.  Much later, I graduated with a B.S. in Criminology and a Masters in Justice Administration.  Before all that happened, I decided to TRY  law enforcement.  Like it was a sandwich.  No other thought than “Huh, this is interesting.”   “I really like my ride time with Hampton.”  “This is kind of exciting.”

I was fortunate to be physically strong enough to pass the physical testing (In addition to the Hampton job, I was also working on a farm and mucking up to 26 stalls a day).  I landed my full time job in 2000, finished all my education on the side and essentially “grew up” on the job.

Therein lies the scariness of moving on.  These people are my family.  Most of my agency and I started as “kids” (a term used by veteran officers for us young uns) and have morphed into adults with very strong bonds to one another.  The thought of leaving here terrified me for a long time.  Mostly because I don’t want to lose these people.  It’s actually a ridiculous notion.  I see most of my co-workers socially to run or spend time together.  They won’t be lost to me.

But I feel like part of my soul will be ripped away from me when I leave.

This past month, I decided to take control of my future and apply for a new position.  I am too afraid to talk about it yet, as nothing is final… but it can’t look any better than it does today.  I promise more information soon!  I got word on Tuesday afternoon that I had been selected by a new agency and have not stopped smiling since.  I am sad inside and I am watching the sadness in my co-workers, but I am also ecstatic.  I don’t think I could have found anything better and cannot wait to move on.

Change is scary.  I am not scared about learning my new job (in fact I am so EXCITED!) but I am scared about losing my deeply rooted law enforcement family bonds.  But at the end of the day, they are my family and that won’t ever change.  When you go through some of the things we have experienced together, you are bonded for life.  It took me quite a few years to realize that and get bold enough to make this much anticipated move.  It is so easy to get complacent and stick with the “same old” routine.  That just wasn’t working for me anymore.

I empower you to make a change.  Live a little scared for a few minutes…. or days…. or weeks.  I did it.  And shockingly it feels AMAZING to push out of my comfort zone.   If I can do it, so can you.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. vttrailgirl
    Jul 04, 2013 @ 11:21:32

    Wow! Thanks for sharing! Can’t wait to hear what’s next!

    Reply

  2. runningwithsam
    Jul 04, 2013 @ 11:26:51

    Good for you! Big life changes are every emotion rolled together. Try to focus on the excitement first.

    Reply

  3. Fishstick
    Jul 04, 2013 @ 12:54:55

    I got a little teary eyed… Then again I’ve been getting choked up about everything lately… I’m blaming you.

    Reply

  4. Dawn
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 04:59:57

    WOW! Can’t wait to hear about it and I wish you luck in whatever patch you choose. I’m hoping I’ll be in the same place next year, only 495 days to go. 🙂

    Reply

  5. Mind Margins/Run Nature
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 23:02:10

    Change can be very good. These are exciting times for you. Two years ago I decided to leave teaching after 20 years. Like you, my fellow teachers were like my family, and I couldn’t imagine not teaching. Two years later my bond with my former co-workers hasn’t suffered at all. We get together often and compare notes on our lives. I miss working with them, but it was time for a change. I wondered why I waited so long! Like you said, don’t be afraid to make a huge change in your life.

    Reply

    • spottedimages
      Jul 09, 2013 @ 05:57:56

      Thank you for chiming in on the “family perspective.” It’s one I take very seriously, but I know our bonds are strong and will survive. Can’t wait to move forward 🙂

      Reply

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