I don’t give a crap

I don’t give a crap… and it’s INCREDIBLY LIBERATING!!!!

I finally made a decision.  I have delayed both my plans to run the marathon and the ultra in 2013 and instead am focusing on getting strong, staying healthy (so Tony stops calling me Bubble) and build an incredible base that will carry me over many miles for years to come.

The first week I made this decision, I was so tormented and conflicted.  I felt like a failure.  I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I did.  I puttered along on some runs, went to a core class at the gym and generally just tried to get used to the idea of being a little lost.  Then something incredible happened.  I stopped caring.  Literally stopped giving a crap.  It was like someone flipped a switch for me and suddenly not only did I want to run, but I started to get this incredible feeling every time I put my shoes on.  It was like f*&ckin’ magic.  Seriously.  I started to run to just feel…. to connect with my legs, body and nature.  I have had nothing but solid runs since it all clicked. I am not saying crap runs won’t still happen, but I have NO PRESSURE!   So if I have a crap run, who cares?  Doesn’t matter.  Won’t lose any training ground.  No pressure.  It’s liberating!

So what did I do next?

Two races in 24 hours of course 🙂  This was Amanda’s idea and of course I had to go along to support.  My best friend of nearly 10 years tackled the Runner’s Alley 5K group this year and has kept it.  Our friend Christine did it too and ran the race with us today.  I am so incredible proud of them!  I was them.  Nasty shin splints, lack of motivation and 19 extra pounds ago…  Here is a quick recap on each race:

Pat Polletta 2 Mile Rail Trail Race: 

This was held in Salisbury last night.  HOT HOT HOT!  Katie met Amanda and Katie down there (driving in on two wheels 10 minutes before the start of course!)  I chose to stay with Amanda for the whole run.  I am so happy I did.  I got to work on form the entire time.  And I never got winded!  Plus I got to get Amanda around.  She kicked ass!  We finished in 22:30… her best time yet per mile!  The whole time I ran, I just reveled in how good it felt.  My body is humming.

Bobcat Bolt 5K: 

This one is held around the campus of UNH.  Here we are pre-race:


I tried a warm up technique Tony suggested for giggles.  Warm up super slow then do sprints with a full recovery in between.  Once again I couldn’t believe how good my legs felt.  It was a bit muggy, but it stayed cloudy for the run.  I warmed up and knew I wanted to run.  I told the ladies I would probably do my own thing and off we went.  I kept my pace between 9:30-10:00 for the first mile.  I intentionally held back.  I didn’t want to burn too hot (figuratively and literally!).  I hit mile 2 and decided to start alternating sprints with recovery.  I was still good.  No pains, no stiffness, wearing my trail shoes (yup…. whatever… I love them), and had my own water.  I just cruised.  I poured it on around 2.5 and pulled into the finish at 28:43 according to Garmin.  Not my fastest 5K, but my BEST 5k ever.  I loved the power I felt in my legs, I loved the comfort I had, I loved my music…. I am just so full of love right now!!!      I got back in time to watch the ladies roll in!  They did so great too!  All in all…. a very fun morning.

So I have learned the falling about not having running goals…

1) I won’t fall apart.

2) I won’t stop running.

3) I may just enjoy it more without pressure.

4) I will continue to get strong.

5) I will run an ultra someday. 

I do still have races planned, but this girl is GOALESS for a while!


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. runningwithsam
    Jun 22, 2013 @ 21:03:02

    Awesome! Cheers to being goalless for awhile, may your next few runs be pace-less, destination-less, and incredibly satisfying.


    • vttrailgirl
      Jun 26, 2013 @ 12:05:27

      Hooray! I need some of our awesome energy and attitude. Wanna share?


      • spottedimages
        Jun 26, 2013 @ 19:29:23

        Sharing!!!! Funny, it definitely did not come right away!!! But, not having anything specific other than VT50 relay, I can sort of just do whatever the hell I want!

  2. Mind Margins/Run Nature
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 00:18:28

    LOVE this post. I have a friend who always runs goal-less. He doesn’t wear a Garmin, doesn’t follow a training plan or keep a training log, and runs whatever he feels like every day. He decides spur of the moment to run some races, others he plans for–but doesn’t officially “train.” I want to run more like him and be less goal oriented. He truly runs only because he loves it, not because he has anything to prove.


  3. Emily
    Jul 02, 2013 @ 13:36:24

    I’m quite behind on my blog reading – just saw this. Great attitude regarding your running! Finding the joy is important and in my flurry of racing, sometimes I lose it or forget it too. Enjoy this!


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